|
|
Susan's thoughts - Feeling Unloved
" Number one problem in relating to other is that we don’t feel loved just for who we are. We have felt rejected in the past and not accepted and think about ourselves the same way our parents did. They taught us how we should feel about ourselves and the world around us. We hope to have the experience that this person will see us and accept us and that they will make us feel loved so we can have a different experience and stop the feeling of rejection. “I know my parents thought I was bad, so I know you must think I am bad. I know they didn’t like me just the way I was, so I know you don’t like me just the way I am.” In relationship to other our hope is to have the experience that maybe this time I can prove that I am strong, lovable, and worthy. Maybe this time I will be seen, heard, and loved the way I wanted to be seen, heard and loved. Maybe this time they will see how good I am. Since I don’t feel lovable just for who I am, I recreate the mood of un-love. In my trying to prove that I am lovable I cause myself and other pain. Self hatred fuels the grievance against others. In that self loathing we discharge our aggression on others. This is a classic way of trying to alleviate the shame or self-hatred that comes up from the way we felt in the original relationship where we didn’t feel lovable or that we mattered. Internalizing the judgment we felt and defending to not feel the pain of rejection. In that defense we become righteous and argumentative as way of protecting our vulnerability and our need to be loved, just for who we are." |
|
|
